How to communicate effectively in times of crisis by Pilar Ortiz

How many times have you wanted to express thoughts, ideas, or feelings about a topic, but you are stopped by the fear of offending? 

This is a familiar fear because, perhaps, it has happened or because of the belief that it is "better" to keep your comments to yourself so as not to generate conflict. However, the good news is that there are ways to support what you believe and express what you feel from a savvy position. 

This is what assertive communication allows us to do, using a conscious language based on empathy.

I want to share three assertive communication tips that you can use in times of crisis. It applies to family relationships, work, and friendships. 

1. Avoid negative phrases: It is much more effective to speak from the positive.

"How do you feel about doing things this way?" rather than saying, "Don't you feel you should do this?" Feels different? It's more persuasive to remove the "NO."

2. Change the BUT for the AND: How do you feel when there is always a "but" in the middle of a conversation? 

The "but" generates a feeling of heaviness because it represents what is bad, what is missing, what is incomplete. 

If we hear phrases like: "You are a good worker, but we will not renew your contract," we associate the "but" with the thought that we're not adequately, right? 

How does it sound if we change it: "You are a good worker, and we will consider you for the next opportunity." The feeling is different, isn't it? 

Even though they can't hire us, we don't feel we are the issue. The door will be open to keep the conversation on good terms. 

3. Speak from the I/myself: This is my favorite because speaking from the self allows us to approach the other person from a place of empathy. Doing it from "you" is a terrible mistake because it puts the other person on the defensive. 

"You should think this way better," "you should do things differently," etc. Sounds rude. Doesn't it? 

On the other hand, if we say: "I think things can be done better", "It worked for me to do things this way"?

When we speak from the "I", from our experiences and emotions, we allow the other person to listen more and connect with our words. 

It works the same way when we want to tell the other that we feel offended. "You offended me!" It doesn't sound nice.  "I feel offended," notice the difference?

Communicating assertively helps us to have better conversations. Step by step, apply these suggestions and tell me what changes you notice. I want to hear from you.